Therapy: The Untangling
I’m so glad you’re considering therapy, and honored you’re considering me to support you.
There are two things that I more or less hold as a given when you come to therapy with me. The first is that you are here because you have something you want to untangle – that there is something you want to change. The second is that I will not be what you expected from a therapist.
Not your mother’s therapy
When I first went to therapy, my mom said, “Why? There’s nothing wrong with you.” She was partially right. There was nothing wrong with me. And that had nothing to do with whether I should be considering therapy.
Therapy isn’t for people who are “broken.” People aren’t machines or objects that break. Human beings adapt when bad things happen to them. I know sometimes people can feel broken. But this is important: there’s a difference between the existence of a problem and the problem being you.
The Tangle is the blurring of the line between you and the problem itself, making it difficult to distinguish where the problem ends and where you begin. Together, we’ll separate you from the problems that have wrapped themselves around your story so you can write a new one. That’s The Untangling. (And while you might talk about your mother in therapy… this definitely ain’t your mother’s therapy.)
Beyond listening
Therapy is a thing we do together. Yes, I’m a really good untangler, but YOU are the expert on your life. So it’s going to take both of us. I count on that. Somehow your life got tangled up – and the tools you have always used to untangle it aren’t working. Or maybe it seems like they never have.
In our work, you can expect no therapist mask, no distant professional persona, no pretense – just authentic connection. You can expect to gain new tools, new perspectives, and new freedom from the problems that have defined your limits (and perhaps, until now, have defined you). My hope is to help you get from a place of wishing things were different, to a place of doing something different.
The risk you take to be witnessed
Getting to a preferred way of being, a place of doing something different, requires me to be a compassionate listener and a creative thinking partner – yes. But the work has to be more than me listening. It has to be even more than a dialog – it has to be a relationship in the truest sense of the word. That will require vulnerablity. Vulnerability is the risk you take to be witnessed.
Wounds that happen in relationships are healed in relationship
Whether you are coming into therapy with a partner or on your own, the foundation of our work often will come back to relationship. Because our autobiographies do not exist outside of our relationship to others. The antidote to disconnection is relationship. There is no I without You, you might say.
About Me
Identity is a process
My goal is to help you move away from practices that are no longer working, and toward a preferred way of being. And to help you embrace the idea that identity is a process, not a possession.
The older I get, the more Walt Whitman’s beautiful and timeless line “I contain multitudes” resonates with me. The complete line actually is
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Yes! A thousand times yes! We ALL contain multitudes, many selves, and they don’t always make sense to others, and sometimes not even to us. And that’s okay. I’m comfortable with that. I have been and am so many things. I’m unafraid to show that to you. Come on in and show me all your selves!
I’ve had many successes, and many failures. I am a multiple-trauma survivor. I’m an out of the box thinker. My life has been messy. I’m living my best life right now.
Let’s start untangling your big, beautiful, messy life together.
A bit about my professional background
I have a degree in Drama from U.C. Berkeley. My masters degree in clinical psychology is from Antioch University. I spent the first five years of my therapy career doing nothing but trauma work. Specifically, I worked with survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and other interpersonal violence. Relationships and trauma continue to be the primary focus of my work and what I am most passionate about. I co-facilitate a support group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual assault.
Some other parts of me
I was born and raised in Los Angeles. I had dogs for 35 years. I have a cat now, which is shocking to me and everyone who knows me. I love throwing clay, woodworking, and gardening. Creativity has been the single driving force of my adult life. If my fingernails have polish on them, it’s because I’m a girl dad. And I’m not just tolerating it, I like it – it makes me feel different in the best possible way.
Four core values sustain me: relationship, acceptance, meaning, and purpose.
This work is a privilege. Once again, thank you for considering working with me in your quest, whatever that might be right now.
